Congress today announced that the Office of President of the United States will
be outsourced to overseas as of June 30th, the end of this fiscal year.
The move is being made to save $400K a year in salary, a record $521 Billion in
deficit expenditures and related overhead. "The
cost savings will be quite significant" says Congressman Adam Smith ((D) -
Wash) who, with the aid Congress' research arm, the General Accounting Office,
has studied outsourcing of American jobs extensively. "We simply can no
longer afford this level of outlay and remain competitive in the world
stage," Congressman Smith said.
Exporting American jobs has been a popular trend lately, ironically at the
urging of President Bush. Mr. Bush was informed by e-mail this morning of the
termination of his position. He will receive health coverage, expenses and
salary until his final day of employment. After that, with a two week waiting
period, he will then be eligible for $240 dollars a week from unemployment
insurance for 13 weeks. Unfortunately he will not be able to receive state
Medicaid health insurance coverage as his unemployment benefits are over the
required limit.
"I'm
in shock," Mr. Bush stated. "I
thought fer sure I'd have some job security around this here place. I have no
idea what I'll do now,"
he further lamented.
Preparations have been underway for some time for the job move. Sanji Gurvinder
Singh of Indus Teleservices, Mumbai, India, will be assuming the Office of
President of the United States as of July 1. Mr. Singh was born in the United
States while his parents were here on student visas, thus making him eligible
for the position. He will receive a salary of $320 US a month but with no health
coverage or other benefits. Due to the time difference between the US and India,
Mr. Singh will be working primarily at night, when offices of the US Government
will be open. "I
am excited to serve in this position," Mr. Singh stated in an exclusive
interview. "Working nights will let me keep my day job at the American
Express call center. I always knew I could be President someday."
Congress stressed patience when calling Mr. Singh as he may not be fully aware
of all the issues involved with his new position. A Congressional Spokesperson
noted that Mr. Singh has been given a script tree to follow which will allow him
to respond to most topics of concern. The Spokesperson further noted that
"additional savings will be realized as these scripting tools have already
been used previously by Mr. Bush here in the US. Such scripts will enable Mr.
Singh to provide an answer without having to fully understand the issue
itself."
Congress continues to explore other outsourcing possibilities including that of
Vice President and most other Administration appointees.