Joanne
Tortorici Luna
VFP Los Angeles
The
Arlington West project can evoke varying reactions in the public.
Most commonly, AW evokes reflection, and sometimes sadness or grief.
However, we have also had to deal with some members of the public
(military, vet, and/or civilian) who respond with anger.
Some have been verbally abusive and physically threatening. As an
organization -- the L.A. chapter of Veterans for Peace -- we are in an ongoing
discussion about the best ways to peacefully manage these few disruptive
situations. Meanwhile, here are some tips for disarming and defusing aggressive
reactions to the project.
Know
yourself
-- We all have "hot spots" and old wounds. Know beforehand the kinds of comments/situations that could
trigger your own anger. This can help keep you from reacting to provocation.
Don't
take it personally -- Just like us, people who visit AW will have histories. Angry
reactions to the project most likely have their basis in other experiences and
memories. It's not about you.
Listen
-- Listen carefully to what people are saying, even when they're angry. Remember
that underneath anger is sometimes pain. Underneath
pain is sometimes anger.
Model
calmness
-- Let your facial expressions, gestures, words, and tone of voice be at ease
and rational. This in turn
stimulates rationality in others.
Exercise
self-control -- the basic human inclination is to fight back verbally when
challenged or insulted. Instead, try to deflect the aggression to ease the
situation. In short, this sometimes means to "take crap with dignity and
style."
Project
empathy and
respect -- Empathy means mentally stepping into another person's shoes
to understand their point of view.
Reflect
the person's words back to him/her --Take the person's words and paraphrase them
respectfully, without sarcasm or anger. This can help a person to feel they have
been "heard."
Use
phrases that help de-escalate: Examples: "Here's
what I heard you say…" "I appreciate that."
"I see your point." "You're
entitled to that view." "I hear ya." "That may well be."
"I understand that."
etc.
Acknowledge
that people have different ways of experiencing AW but look for points of
agreement:
Example: "We may have
different ways of thinking about what's happening in Iraq. But we seem to agree
that we want to honor the dead."
If
things get heated, take control of the conversation:
Example: "Whoa!
Hold on. Wait a sec." Then
empathize, and paraphrase. These are deflective techniques.
Ignore
those who are non-aggressively disruptive: Turn your attention away from people
who are disrupting without being aggressive.
Turn your attention toward people you'd rather talk to. This
discourages the disrupter from continuing.
Safety
First -
if you are attacked physically, get away from the attacker if possible.
Have a code for calling the police when needed.